Sunday, April 22, 2007

How to Make Home Made Kitty Treats

As I believe I have mentioned before, I have a cat named CeeCee. Well, more accurately, CeeCee enslaved my amazing boyfriend, who served him faithfully for many years until he decided he needed help and moved me in. At which point His Highness immediately began to train me on catering to his every whim and fancy.

Needless to say, with all the contaminated pet food recalls that have been happening, I have been quite concerned for His Highness. So I dutifully read every news story with my fingers crossed, praying to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that Whiskas and Fancy Feast never show up on the list. I also read messages from other concerned slaves...I mean, pet owners... as we all contemplate taking up new careers as food tasters in order to protect our furry overlords.

So, when someone posted an easy recipe for home made kitty treats, I thought to myself "Hey! I can do that! Won't His Highness be overcome with joy and reign benevolence upon our household".

First, the ingredient search. I needed a cup of rice. Thankfully, I did not need to go and harvest some, as I had a convenient supply hygienically sealed in plastic sitting in my cupboard. The next two were slightly more difficult. My quest called for an egg and a can of tuna. What was a girl to do? I had no egg laying hens, and I live smack dab in the centre of the prairies; making tuna fishing something of a chore.

But fear not, brave readers, for my salvation was at hand. "I am making a trek through the dangerous urban jungle to the grocery store, milady. I can procure what you require." and with these word, my amazing boyfriend departed as I waited with baited breath.

Alas, the tuna proved elusive that day, although our hero returned with a can of salmon. Agreeing that it was a lovely and acceptable substitute, there was much rejoicing and plans were made to bring this culinary masterpiece to fruition.

The next morning, after imbibing my mental stimulants, I felt ready to take on the challenge. carefully did I prepare the rice and beat the egg. I felt a sense of anticipation as I closed the can opener over the last ingredient, breaking the seal and irrevocably committing myself to this undertaking.

As I stirred the ingredients together, I noticed His Highness starting to dart madly around my humble abode. "hmmm" I thought, "How odd. This is normally time for his Royal Nap, not to be broken until mid-afternoon, under penalty of having a black ball of fur dart at you from under tables, causing you to fall and bruise certain tender areas of anatomy"

I continued bravely on, placing the concotion in the refrigerator to cool completely and become in the words of the original chef "become really well gummed up." I felt some unease in that His Highness was still displaying signs of being on Kitty Crack. I kept a wary eye out for the fuzzy Ball of Righteous Kitty Vengeance, and thanks to my diligence, was rewarded with having no new scars to boast around my ankles.

Several hours later, I felt the gumminess of the fishy confection was a sufficient level to place in the forge of creation (otherwise known as the oven). As the gelatinous blobs began metamorphosis into Golden Kitty Ambrosia, and the scent wafted through the apartment, His Highness went back on full I-Smell-Fish-And-I-Will-Stalk-The-Ankles-Of-Anyone -I-Think-Is-Withholding-It-From-Me mode. It was really quite breathtaking. I have not seen such feats of speed, slyness and agility in all my 30 years on this earth.

When The Golden Kitty Ambrosia had finally cooled enough to offer as a sign of peace, it took on a new property. That of instant transportation. I swear that His Highness didn't even open his mouth. I set the treat on his plate, and then it was simply....gone.

And of course, having been successful in convincing me to share what he thought was my dinner with him, His Highness went to sleep in a warm ray of sunshine in celebration of his victory.

I wished I had never taken on the challenge of such an "easy" recipe.

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angel said...

Wow, very well written, very humoureous and descriptive, i laughed and laughed as i have a black kitty and i know exactly what you mean when you say sly, and agile, had me laughing so hard tears were rolling down my cheeks. Thanks for a delightful story, and i would love the recipe to try on my kitty!

Thanks so much for sharing!!

Anonymous said...

hey my name is hannah. (in hannah montannah)so i did not like the part when you gave your cat a was soooo sad. please dont do that ever again.if you dont then i will meet you.if you do i will ignore you forever so you better not.ok well thats it and im jk ok. im not hm.
jk=just kidding ttyl=talk to you later

Anonymous said...

hey its me my name is alyssa ugdhhwgssgdysjhsxhajsgcucgugcduqgcuu